"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." — Anäïs Nin
After one traumatic day where I drank myself into a stupor and literally passed out on my bathroom floor, and a second day in which I literally sobbed, wailed and cried for hours, I knew it was time. But to do it, I had to go back. Not so far back as to re-live past traumas, only far enough for me to see a pattern. And I found it. I have spent most of my entire adult life claiming lack and limitation. There it was. The Source - Abandonment - Lack of Love.
When my Mother died, emotionally I also lost my Dad and both of my sisters. That was my initial entry into Lack of Love. But I had rebuilt that support system and I was thriving, things were going well and then, the unthinkable, I had to move away from the system that it had taken me so long to rebuild. Since I hadn’t dealt with the initial abandonment issue, it reared its ugly head again. And that’s when it began to manifest in all of my subsequent experiences. It manifested itself as lack of Money, lack of Support, lack of Job, lack of Self-worth and lack of Faith - all stemming from the original declaration of Abandonment - the lack of Love.
I knew I had issues. I made a list. I wrote how I interpreted each one with their own singular issue of Abandonment. Each one was post-mortem of my Mother and an unresolved event in my life. I went back. I re-examined my part and decided that none of the situations had anything to do with me personally. I did not leave them, they left me. I am alright. I am perfect, whole and complete. I lack for nothing. Then I finally realized…
The Universe is my Source. I know that there is no Lack. There is no Abandonment. I know that there is only Peace and only Love. I claim Peace and Love. I know that there is no Fear, only Faith and only Joy. I claim Faith and Joy. I know that there is none other than Divine Spirit as the One Source of All. I now claim that I am One with that Source of All.
There can only be One.
I now claim Joy, Faith, Peace, Abundance and Love in my life.
Where? Right here.
When? Right now.
And so it is.