Let Me Live

 Not my normal. I had to say something. Enough is Enough.

We. Are. Tired.

How come the Police only ‘accidentally’ shoot Black people? How come they don’t ‘accidentally’ shoot White people? Or any of the other Ethnics in this country? How come only Black people are met with ‘deadly force’? How come they only pull guns out on Black people? Why is everything a gun except a gun?

And they don’t even RECOGNIZE a gun when they SEE one or DON’T see one?

This is madness. Did we learn nothing in lockdown? White men are out again killing crowds of people and they are rarely met with deadly force? What’s up with THAT?

What about Colorado?

What about Georgia?

What about Florida?

These guys are still ALIVE.

I can’t…

I need to run some errands this morning. To ensure I arrive alive, I won't take public transit (Oscar Grant). I removed all air fresheners from the vehicle and double-checked my registration status (Daunte Wright), and ensured my license plates were visible (Lt. Caron Nazario). I will be careful to follow all traffic rules (Philando Castille), signal every turn (Sandra Bland), keep the radio volume low (Jordan Davis), and won't stop at a fast food chain for a meal (Rayshard Brooks). I'm too afraid to pray (Rev. Clementa C. Pickney) so I just hope the car won't break down (Corey Jones).

When you run errands today, be sure not to dance (Elijah McClain), stop to play in a park (Tamir Rice), patronize the local convenience store for snacks (Trayvon Martin), or walk around the neighborhood (Mike Brown). Once home, don’t stand in your backyard (Stephon Clark), eat ice cream on the couch (Botham Jean), or play any video games (Atatiana Jefferson).

I guess I’ll watch a movie around 7:30pm, I won’t leave the house to go to Walmart (John Crawford) or to the gym (Tshyrand Oates) or on a jog (Ahmaud Arbery). I won't even walk to see the birds (Christian Cooper). I’ll just sit and remember what a blessing it is to breathe (George Floyd) and I definitely won’t go to sleep (Breonna Taylor).

 Let. Me. Live.

 

What have we done that makes us your one and only target?

East Bay, Take 2

Well, the summer flew by and my feet sort of reached a plateau and stayed there. In October, we went to Washington State to visit Kenneth's friends Scott and Stacey Burrell. Scott is a carpenter. They bought a house on 5 acres of land. They lived in a mobile home on the property while Scott revamped the house and Stacey worked at the local hospital. They moved into the house and rented the trailer. Stacey's parents came to stay with them on the property, and Scott is building them a house as well! He's good.

We went almost to the northernmost tip of the United States to Ruby Beach. It was beautiful. I was happy and in my element. I don't think I could live there (no Black people) but I could certainly visit more often!

Stacey recommended that I try a drug called 'Lyrica' for my feet. Many of her patients got relief from it, she said. I said I would check it out.

Came home and asked my internist. She said to try it. She wrote me a script for 30 tablets. I read about it online. It said it was possibly 'addictive.' I didn't think I wanted to have anything to do with an 'addictive' drug, but decided that if my feet were having an 'impossible' day, I would check it out. Well, that day came. I popped one of the pills and MIRACULOUSLY my feet felt PERFECT. I mean, there was no pain, no stinging, NOTHING. I was amazed. However, it lasted less than an hour. My feet started to sting, slowly at first, but truly, it was within an hour. I got why it's addictive. To have my feet feel absolutely normal again? I'd take this drug day and night...so I threw them away.

Sad, but true. A little while later, I was introduced to a cream. Real-Time Pain Relief Cream. I thought it was another snake oil sale, until I got the samples! Love this stuff. It doesn't make the sensation go away completely, but it tones it down enough for me to walk 5-10K steps a day! And I do!

Relief is on the way, I decided. It's been over a year. February has come and almost gone...I was in the hospital then! Happy that my body is functioning at close to 100%, that is, everything is working now!

My friend Bev Saunders gave me a call. She is selling stuff again. Thought I'd be interested. It's MLM and everyone knows MLM is a scam...LOL! She sent me to watch a video about these DNA drops. I was mildly interested and she offered to send me samples. Never one to turn down anything free, I said 'Sure.' And I'm glad I did. This product, the one called 'SLD' is anti-inflammatory. What a difference. I only took it for 3 days and my feet felt so different - like they were coming back to life! I immediately signed up (I don't have to sell, just buy) and ordered a bunch for myself. Then I sent the video to my Vitamin K (I'll tell you about him another time) and he wants to try them. I just randomly asked my friend who called me from the DMV (Delaware-Maryland-Virginia) area if she'd like to watch the video and try them. She, too, said yes. Uh-oh. This MLM thing is getting serious...LOL!

Which brings me to why I am writing this blog this day, because I have more proof that the Universe works and that's what this blog is about. Don't take my word for it, read on.

Earlier last week I was thinking about getting some lighter compression socks - I have 20-30mmHg (it's a blood pressure measurement) and I was wanting some 15-20mmHg. I decided I would check them out when I got home because I was just gearing up to go to California.

Originally, I would have gone to California in January, my usual jaunt for MLK weekend, but my cousin said not to come if I was going to fly in an airplane, I could visit if I drove. Well, I didn't plan to drive so I cancelled. No cousins, no Jacque, no Denise. Nobody. Nothing. 

February came along and I was just feeling out of sorts. Couldn't put my finger on it. Realized I was missing my trip to Northern Cal. Another good friend of mine posted that her patio was ready for company and I posted 'Don't tempt me' as a reply. Then she said that she had a room...and the next thing I sent her was my itinerary.

So this wasn't my ordinary trip, but I was still going to the East Bay, I would still visit Northern Cal. I would still see the water and ride the BART train - SOLD!

I was also thinking that if we did it like last time, I would take the BART train from the airport, she would pick me up in El Cerrito and we could do a 'drive-by' of my cousins house, with them waving from their picture window. Before I had a chance to suggest this, however, she said that I could just take the AMTRAK train from the airport that stopped 10 minutes from her house. Sigh. Oh well, I thought, I still get to see her, her new house, her family, her new friend. It was still going to be worth the trip!

She texts me the night before to tell me that she has an appointment at 1PM, and my plane was due to arrive at 10:30AM. What time was my train arriving at the station? I explained to her that the trains don't run very often and the closest timed one arrived at 2:20PM. She said that was OUTRAGEOUS and for me to just take the BART train to El Cerrito and she would pick me up.

I asked her if she would be willing to drive by my cousin’s house and she said 'Sure!' Wow, that turned out better than I imagined. When we drove by, my cousin came down the steps, masked and said that she was getting her second Covid shot on Saturday and if I had some time, could I come back and visit? I told her I'd let her know.

Turns out, my friend had a job interview on line on Monday and if we found a train, I could ride the AMTRAK to Richmond, where my cousin could pick me up, and I could visit with her and take the train from there to the airport! PERFECT.

It gets better...I call my friend in Oakland and ask her if she's available for lunch on Monday, Yes, she says. We'll meet at BART in Oakland! So I go to my cousins, hang out for a couple hours, just as we were leaving for the BART train, she says, 'Oh, I have these compression socks that I bought that he's not going to wear - I'm sure they'll fit you...' She runs upstairs, brings them back, they are all black, 6 pairs, and they are 15-20mmHg! None of which would have happened if she hadn't had her second shot, I hadn't had the opportunity to visit, and I got to hug and kiss my cousin in the flesh!

Finally, I get to Oakland, we go to lunch in Jack London Square. After a while my friend says that it's probably time for me to be getting to the airport, I thought she was taking me to BART - she brought me to the door of Southwest Airlines!

THAT is just another example, of the many documented here, of how the Universe works.

Thanks for reading to the end. 

How my 2020 began

Let me tell you about 2020. I posted around Christmas time that I was pretty down. I was missing family, missing the East Coast, missing my Mom and my Dad. It was just sad. I made it through the holidays because I was looking forward to visiting my cousins in California. I have a couple California stories. I'll share them next time. 

I flew to Oakland to visit my cousin, to have dinner with Jacque, and to hang out with Denise. It was all fun. Visited with friends and family. I went to Miss Ollie’s for lunch in Oakland, a fine restaurant in Fairfield, and the Beach Chalet in San Francisco, When I got back to the house in El Cerrito, I felt a little ‘hitch’ in my crotch. Thought it was my leotard pinching. Packed my bag, hopped on the BART, then hopped on a plane home on Monday.

Took a nap Tuesday afternoon and when I woke up my foot was numb, like it had fallen asleep. It was like that the rest of the day. Went to bed that night and when I woke up on Wednesday my other foot was numb, too! Seemed crazy to me.

The next day I had to teach school. By Friday I wasn’t any better. As the weekend went by, I noticed that my peeing was getting slower and slower, and then less and less. I certainly wasn’t drinking any less. And by Sunday, I realized that I hadn’t really voided at all.

Monday morning I called the doctor and she said to come in on Wednesday.

Monday evening I went to Bloom for my Mastermind group meeting. I noticed that I had not had my ‘morning constitutional’ that morning. I actually still hadn’t peed either. Tuesday I went to the Storytellers meeting at CSN. By then I noticed that I hadn’t been to the bathroom at ALL. Good thing I was going to see the doctor the next day.

She emptied my bladder. 250ccs of urine. Our bladder only holds 30-50 ccs before we need to void. She said go home and see what happens.

I had to go back the next day. Nothing happened in between. Crisis. I got a walking catheter. My legs were still numb. She told me I had to wear it until I had my urologist appointment – which was in 10 days. I was in tears. It was kind of overwhelming, I mean, I just came in to find out why I couldn’t pee and now I had a walking catheter! My legs and feet were numb and I didn’t know what was happening. I begged her to let me check back with her earlier than that. She gave me until the following Thursday.

When I went back to my appointment on Thursday, she recommended that I go immediately to the Emergency Room. She wrote a letter outlining the severity of my situation and I was admitted within 15 minutes. My husband had just made it in from parking the car…

The hospital is a whole other story. The outcome of which was that my bladder finally started working again, I got intravenous steroids and I got released. However, my feet and legs were still numb. The neurologist said it was a single episode of transverse myelitis. I got two referrals – a urologist and a neurologist outside the hospital.

I got a clean bill of health from the urologist. Bladder is fine he said.

Nothing but more referrals from the neurologist. He asked me twice if I had cancer. Even referred me to an oncologist and ordered a Spinal Tap. No sign of cancer, said the oncologist. Spinal Tap was clear.

Now about the neuropathy…

Since no one was addressing the numbness in my feet, I went online in search of a natural solution to my neuropathy. Discovered the author of the book Natural Neuropathy Solutions. He has a clinic right up the road in North Las Vegas – around the corner from Costco!

Monday morning therapies. Friday Morning therapies. Supplements. It’s been interesting. The reality is that it was much worse and much more painful than it is now. It’s been weeks. I was on a 90-day regimen. I have a little more than 40 days left. My back is better. The numbness is subsiding. My feet…well, they go back and forth. What’s my goal? I want to take a Zumba class again…someday soon.

I have faith in my body, in my healing, and in my recovery. This is not a setback. Les Brown says ‘Every setback is a setup for a comeback.’

I’m ready for my comeback.

Happy Holiday Time

Or so they say. 

This year the holidays have had a rough start for me. In October, not quite the holiday season, my shoulder went out! Turns out I had a slight contusion, that I have mild tendiosis (that’s tendinitis that doesn’t go away) and mild arthritis. The upshot is that it all happened at the same time on the same day and I was down for the count! SO painful. By the third day, I was almost in tears when CBD cream with THC came to my rescue. I’m better now. Although my left arm is starting to act up, I’m doing my Louise Hay affirmations starting now!

Was listening to the radio and heard my first Christmas song, I don’t even know what it was. It just had me crying like a baby. Missing my Mom and my Dad. Wishing this holiday would just go by.

I haven’t missed my Mom this much in a while.

November. I didn’t want to go to my son’s mother-in-law’s house. We’ve been eating Thanksgiving there every year for a while now. I wanted to cook my own Thanksgiving. I bought a turkey. Turns out that after much texting back and forth, my son decided they were not going to come to Vegas. Let me off the hook. His mother-in-law even went down there for Thanksgiving. So I got to cook my turkey and feed my son who lives here and his girlfriend.  KD got leftovers. And we all had leftovers days later.

Watching and listening to YouTube, Alicia Keys comes on and it’s her concert in New York City. She starts singing ‘New York’ and I start crying again. I miss the East Coast? Really?

This morning I was checking out Facebook, and I saw a video about a contest in a Lowe’s (or Home Depot) to ‘Sing-a-song and win a prize.’ I clicked on it. The guy singing looked a lot like my Dad, and he was singing ‘One in a Million You’ and it made me think of my Dad and it made me cry all over again.

I know I will get through this. It is, after all, the most wonderful time of the year…

https://youtu.be/1TC02VaB1Rw

Alive at 65

It is good to be alive. I have outlived my family. If they could see me, would they be proud? 

My Daddy was a jazz musician. I didn't follow in his footsteps. I am a dancer.

My Mother worked for the Federal Government for years. I was not so good at keeping a job for more than 2 1/2 years at a time. Now I substitute teach.

My big sister retired from the Police Force in her city and admonished me to 'put away a little something' every week. Even if it was just $5. I didn't. I haven't. 

My second sister passed unnoticed. She was sick for most of her life. It was inevitable.

And here I stand. 

I like to think that I have come into my own. Is there a problem if there is no one to see the progression? I am impressed.

I like to think that I have matured in my own way. Is there a problem if there is no one who remembers me then? I am proud of how far I have come. 

I like to believe that I have become a better, wiser, woke and conscious individual. So are the people who surround me. We are of like mind. They wouldn't notice. I notice all the time. I am connected. I am supported. The Universe has my back. 

I still love the arts. I love to dance. I love to act. I love to be onstage. I love to be backstage. I am a star in my own show.

I love to support. I am your cheerleader. I believe in you. I am Samela Sunshine. I bring the light!

I love to speak. I love to lead. I love to inspire. I am your motivation. Look who I am. Look what I'm doing. Has opportunity passed me by? No, I say.

I am an advocate for multicultural individuals 55 years and older. Society says we are old at 50, Senior Citizens at 55, Elderly at 65 and then, Invisible. Not true! My heart is still in it. My head is still in it. My body is willing to participate to the best of its ability and I am willing to fight the good fight. For our dignity, for our humanity and for our visibility.

It is good to be alive. I know my family can see me. I know they are proud. 

The Effects of Using Negative Language

Are you accomplished, enlightened, learned, sage and wise? Or are you confused, decrepit, incompetent and declining? The language used to describe aging, the way people talk to and about older adults, and the way we talk to and about ourselves matters. If you say ‘I feel old or over-the-hill,’ your mind believes every word you say.  Your mind and body act in a way that matches how you describe yourself. Don’t refer to yourself as ancient or as an antique, even jokingly, because it causes your mind to picture what that is – and your body works to meet the picture. When you feel tired and look tired, don’t say ‘I look old’ which becomes a more permanent state of affairs, say ‘I look tired,’ which is a temporary situation.

Also, watch that language of saying ‘they’ and ‘those,’ and make it about ‘us’ and ‘we.’ “We’re all aging, every day. It is about ‘us.’

And I want everyone to know that we can find things to call ourselves besides ‘Senior Citizens’ to help change and clarify who we really are and what it means. The word “elderly” labels older people as being infirm, frail and dependent. It is most definitely a judgment and labels an entire cohort of people, based on age, in a negative light. It’s not unfair to say that society in general considers all people 65 years and older as “elderly”. In reality, there is a lifetime between a 65-year-old person and a 90-year-old person.

Instead, ‘Older Adult’ is factually descriptive and confers no judgment. ‘Older Americans’ is a good alternative to ‘Senior Citizen’ in this country.

Language is everything and if we know who we are and who we want to be, we can change others perspectives as well.

What is a concert

What is a concert? Is it based on the venue? What validates a musicians’ skill? Is it playing in a large auditorium on a college campus? Is it performing in a popular performance space in a particular town? What of the singers who hold concerts in churches? Is that not a valid medium?

I went to a concert at church one evening and the next day at work, when my co-worker asked what I had done, I said I went to a concert.

Oh, yeah?, he said, Who’d you see?

I replied, A popular singer in the new thought movement, she performed at my church.

That’s not a concert, he said, and he walked away.

That’s not a concert? I thought to myself. Is the popular perception is that a church is not a ‘valid’ performance space? Although there are many major churches with sanctuaries the size of small stadiums, and outdoor events attended by more individuals than any concert in a neighboring City Arts Center, do people not consider these ‘real concerts’?

Our society has established yet another exclusionary group. It’s a different kind of prejudice. This judgment is not based on the color of their skin, or their sexual orientation, this is prejudice against their ‘spiritual’ orientation.

How do we dispel the myth that any major gathering of individuals for the purpose of sharing nothing but fun and music is a concert? What was Woodstock, I ask you, if not a gathering of individuals for the purpose of nothing but fun and music? And what about ‘Live-AID’ – a concert for a cause? Having worked their way up through the ‘music school of hard knocks’, do New Thought musicians now have to fight for their ‘validity’ in popular culture?

These musicians, singers, and songwriters are all ‘valid’ musicians in their own right and can hold their own standing on the line next to Bonnie Raitt, Katy Perry, Phil Collins, George Benson, Patti Labelle, or Stevie Wonder. How is their music considered ‘less than’ by their choice of venue? I am certain that their peers would not feel that way.

Gospel singers have a special place in the music world because they are supported by a community rooted in religious tradition. And Gospel Music has made a significant impact on mainstream music. Many popular singers, particularly the Black Divas, have their roots singing in churches and church choirs. Well, conversely, popular music has had a major influence on New Thought music, and it is well worth the result.

I had an idea. Perhaps these singers can hook up with current popular artists and be the opening act in a variety of venues. Certainly these individuals have the right to pick for whom they’ll open; but hitching their star to an already popular singer is a start.

But a better idea came to me. A venue, perhaps already popular for hosting small theater or dance companies, open it’s doors to these New Thought / Spiritual singers. Places with season ticket holders and audiences sophisticated enough to enjoy whatever popular culture comes their way. Here would be an opportunity for these singers to get their names out there; earning their fame for their musical talent rather than their ‘spiritual’ orientation. Just a thought.

And beyond what others may say, the concert was outstanding, entertaining and 100% valid.